Elf on the Freaking Shelf

I do hope this post is reaching you in time. Before you've purchased an Elf on the Shelf. We've owned ours for 5 years now. FIVE YEARS of creative hell.

Our elf, named Sundrop, has taken away part of my Christmas spirit. He has caused domestic disputes between myself and my husband and I have said more bad words than I should during the month reserved for the birth of Jesus. When you're supposed to be filled with joy and happiness. Not me. Not this house. 

At first he was fun. The kids were 4 and 2. They were easily amused and we could get away with really simple places to put him.  We would put him on top of a lamp and the kids would laugh for an hour. Thennnnn they got older and we got lazy and the elf became a chore

There's even a whole page on my Pinterest account dedicated specifically to elf ideas. Why waste my creative energy on ideas when I can copy someone else?  Here's where the problem begins:

My house is small. I have low ceilings. And to top it off I only have ONE bathroom. ONE toilet people. Any idea involving a toilet or bathroom sink is immediately out. Then there's the kitchen ideas with "snow angels" made out of flour on the counter. Hell no. There's no way I can leave a mess like that all day on my itty bitty counter space. I wouldn't be able to cook dinner. Or even look at the kitchen. I would have to up my meds for the day. And I'm close to maxed out already. 

I didn't realize my Elf was so "excited" to be back until after he was on Facebook

To add something fun this year we now have a cat. So we have even MORE limited places we can shove him without little Fluffy noticing there's something new to attack. The days of Sundrop hanging from the fan pretending to be Miley on her wrecking ball are long gone. 

The kids were NOT impressed with this.  Pinterest failed me.

This thing rules our lives for 24 days. But not everyone has the same elf rules at their house. This is where it's important to know your friends well. After visiting a friend that grabbed her elf in front of my kids and moved him because he was in the way I was positive it was the moment I was going to have to break the bad news to the kids. Sorry. Mrs. Jessica just destroyed your childhood imagination. No such thing as magic. And you have to start paying rent now too since the cat's outta the bag!  Lucky for them I was on my A game that night and saved the day with a story about Santa having different agreements with different families and blah blah blah.

The kids still talk about this one. 

To sum it up this thing is a headache. Compare it to a puppy. Fun at first then a pain. And I've heard all the "let them be little" and "they only believe for so long" speeches too. I mean, maybe I'll miss it one day. But by then I'll have grandkids and if I want to participate I'll spend the night at my kids house. Only to quickly remember how stupid the elf is.

This day I couldn't do laundry.  I NEEDED to do laundry.