Elf on the Freaking Shelf

I do hope this post is reaching you in time. Before you've purchased an Elf on the Shelf. We've owned ours for 5 years now. FIVE YEARS of creative hell.

Our elf, named Sundrop, has taken away part of my Christmas spirit. He has caused domestic disputes between myself and my husband and I have said more bad words than I should during the month reserved for the birth of Jesus. When you're supposed to be filled with joy and happiness. Not me. Not this house. 

At first he was fun. The kids were 4 and 2. They were easily amused and we could get away with really simple places to put him.  We would put him on top of a lamp and the kids would laugh for an hour. Thennnnn they got older and we got lazy and the elf became a chore

There's even a whole page on my Pinterest account dedicated specifically to elf ideas. Why waste my creative energy on ideas when I can copy someone else?  Here's where the problem begins:

My house is small. I have low ceilings. And to top it off I only have ONE bathroom. ONE toilet people. Any idea involving a toilet or bathroom sink is immediately out. Then there's the kitchen ideas with "snow angels" made out of flour on the counter. Hell no. There's no way I can leave a mess like that all day on my itty bitty counter space. I wouldn't be able to cook dinner. Or even look at the kitchen. I would have to up my meds for the day. And I'm close to maxed out already. 

I didn't realize my Elf was so "excited" to be back until after he was on Facebook

To add something fun this year we now have a cat. So we have even MORE limited places we can shove him without little Fluffy noticing there's something new to attack. The days of Sundrop hanging from the fan pretending to be Miley on her wrecking ball are long gone. 

The kids were NOT impressed with this.  Pinterest failed me.

This thing rules our lives for 24 days. But not everyone has the same elf rules at their house. This is where it's important to know your friends well. After visiting a friend that grabbed her elf in front of my kids and moved him because he was in the way I was positive it was the moment I was going to have to break the bad news to the kids. Sorry. Mrs. Jessica just destroyed your childhood imagination. No such thing as magic. And you have to start paying rent now too since the cat's outta the bag!  Lucky for them I was on my A game that night and saved the day with a story about Santa having different agreements with different families and blah blah blah.

The kids still talk about this one. 

To sum it up this thing is a headache. Compare it to a puppy. Fun at first then a pain. And I've heard all the "let them be little" and "they only believe for so long" speeches too. I mean, maybe I'll miss it one day. But by then I'll have grandkids and if I want to participate I'll spend the night at my kids house. Only to quickly remember how stupid the elf is.

This day I couldn't do laundry.  I NEEDED to do laundry.

21 Day Plan: Day 4 and 5-Prepping

On day 3 I did 2 workouts. Day 4 I did 1. Maybe that two-a-day from Day 3 was because somehow I knew I wouldn't be working out on my Day 5. But I still wasn't prepared.

I did so well having my menu planned and my goals in line. Weight has been coming off. I had healthy snacks. I took my very own popcorn to my nephews basketball game Thursday night and had a healthy dinner waiting on me in the crock pot at home. This picture was taken about 10 minutes before my dad called and let my sister and I know we needed to come to the hospital. My grandpa was very sick. 

We got there at 6pm and I didn't leave until 2am. He was in a medically induced coma and having a hard time breathing. They were putting him in ICU. He's 83. Just 10 

hours earlier he was eating a biscuit at Hardee's with my dad and talking with friends. 

I wasn't prepared. I mean that is so many ways. I wasn't prepared to be somewhere without the food I had on my plan and I wasn't prepared for the possibility of letting my grandpa go.

After coming home and sleeping for less than 3 hours I was back there with him as he was on life support and not showing any signs of improvement. The doctors didn't give any good reports as his blood pressure continued to drop even with 4 medicines to the max. He was dying. And part of me was too. 

I only left his side Friday to use the restroom. We were there with him. We weren't going to let him go without being surrounded by his family.  Is the decision to take someone off life support ever easy? Absolutely not. But knowing that he would never breath on his own again. Never live without a breathing tube or leave a hospital bed. That's not the life he would ever want to live. As his only child my dad had to make that decision. I'm certain he made the right one. 

As I watched my grandpa, my last living grandparent, take his final breath and his heart stopped beating I held his hand and cried. I cried more for myself than for him. I wanted to be selfish and keep him here with me. I wasn't prepared. 

Sometime a kink gets thrown in the plans. Some days we aren't prepared no matter how hard we tried. There's no such thing as a convenient time to die. 

Today begins my Day 6 and I'm already at the gym. Riding the bike and writing this post. Southern folks bring immense amounts of delicious and unhealthy food to you when someone dies. I'll eat it. This is life. It's real life. Not scripted like a tv show.  We'll spend most of the day at the funeral home, the florist, the grave yard. Preparing everything for his funeral. A ceremony for everyone he left behind. It's not for him. He's already in heaven with all those that have passed before him being welcomed to his eternal home. 

But I still wasn't prepared. 

21 Day Plan: Day 3 Two-A-Day

Day 3

Workout:

Upper body 

Bunch of stuff I don't know what's called! 

One was called a skull crusher. I just follow around my girl Jess and she tells me what to do and fusses at me for cheating with light weight. 

I rode the bike too for about 4 miles. AND I ran on the treadmill for the second time after my half marathon and managed to not hurt myself this time.  I got 1 mile in at 9:32 so that was kind of a big deal for me.  Because I've been hurting.  And I'm slow. 

How can day to day differ so much?  I know the rules. I know I'm supposed to be prepared and know what/when/where I'm eating. But I wasn't. And other than coffee I had nothing to eat until 11:15. Breaking all the rules. But you know what?  I'm a real person with real challenges. I have shit to do! Like the not-so-fun stuff. Like getting the oil changed in my car...for TWO hours.  With nothing but another tiny apple in my purse. They had donuts inside. Fresh ones. With sprinkles. And chocolate.  But I held strong and walked past them and just smelled them.  It wasn't easy but it refused to give in!!

 

 

I was thankful when I got home for leftovers in the fridge and a banana with a little less peanut butter this time. Still too much. But less. 

I boiled eggs to have as snacks. I mangled so many freaking eggs trying to peel them. So I just ate what looked ugly!  If I judged my day based on my eggs it would be really crappy. 

I had an amazing PB&J shake. Here's the recipe. You won't regret it. 

Then guess what I did?  I had another cup of coffee. Why? Because I went to the gym. Again. Now hold on!  This isn't typical. I did my regular workout in the morning as usual and then the husband wanted to go after work. So I mostly just looked at his sweaty muscles the whole time. I didn't exert too much energy.  But I like hanging out with him so I said yes to a two-a-day. 

Dinner was on point for day 3. Salad with craisins, almonds, tomato, avocado and feta along with meatloaf and fresh green beans. It was delish.
 

 

I didn't eat anything after that because it was close to 9:00.  And I did go to bed hungry. I could have totally gone for a milkshake from Cookout. Or a frosty from Wendy's. But instead I drank some water and watched Forensic Files. 

Day 3 is marked off the list. Weighing in at: