21 Day Plan: Day 4 and 5-Prepping

On day 3 I did 2 workouts. Day 4 I did 1. Maybe that two-a-day from Day 3 was because somehow I knew I wouldn't be working out on my Day 5. But I still wasn't prepared.

I did so well having my menu planned and my goals in line. Weight has been coming off. I had healthy snacks. I took my very own popcorn to my nephews basketball game Thursday night and had a healthy dinner waiting on me in the crock pot at home. This picture was taken about 10 minutes before my dad called and let my sister and I know we needed to come to the hospital. My grandpa was very sick. 

We got there at 6pm and I didn't leave until 2am. He was in a medically induced coma and having a hard time breathing. They were putting him in ICU. He's 83. Just 10 

hours earlier he was eating a biscuit at Hardee's with my dad and talking with friends. 

I wasn't prepared. I mean that is so many ways. I wasn't prepared to be somewhere without the food I had on my plan and I wasn't prepared for the possibility of letting my grandpa go.

After coming home and sleeping for less than 3 hours I was back there with him as he was on life support and not showing any signs of improvement. The doctors didn't give any good reports as his blood pressure continued to drop even with 4 medicines to the max. He was dying. And part of me was too. 

I only left his side Friday to use the restroom. We were there with him. We weren't going to let him go without being surrounded by his family.  Is the decision to take someone off life support ever easy? Absolutely not. But knowing that he would never breath on his own again. Never live without a breathing tube or leave a hospital bed. That's not the life he would ever want to live. As his only child my dad had to make that decision. I'm certain he made the right one. 

As I watched my grandpa, my last living grandparent, take his final breath and his heart stopped beating I held his hand and cried. I cried more for myself than for him. I wanted to be selfish and keep him here with me. I wasn't prepared. 

Sometime a kink gets thrown in the plans. Some days we aren't prepared no matter how hard we tried. There's no such thing as a convenient time to die. 

Today begins my Day 6 and I'm already at the gym. Riding the bike and writing this post. Southern folks bring immense amounts of delicious and unhealthy food to you when someone dies. I'll eat it. This is life. It's real life. Not scripted like a tv show.  We'll spend most of the day at the funeral home, the florist, the grave yard. Preparing everything for his funeral. A ceremony for everyone he left behind. It's not for him. He's already in heaven with all those that have passed before him being welcomed to his eternal home. 

But I still wasn't prepared.