Elf on the Freaking Shelf

I do hope this post is reaching you in time. Before you've purchased an Elf on the Shelf. We've owned ours for 5 years now. FIVE YEARS of creative hell.

Our elf, named Sundrop, has taken away part of my Christmas spirit. He has caused domestic disputes between myself and my husband and I have said more bad words than I should during the month reserved for the birth of Jesus. When you're supposed to be filled with joy and happiness. Not me. Not this house. 

At first he was fun. The kids were 4 and 2. They were easily amused and we could get away with really simple places to put him.  We would put him on top of a lamp and the kids would laugh for an hour. Thennnnn they got older and we got lazy and the elf became a chore

There's even a whole page on my Pinterest account dedicated specifically to elf ideas. Why waste my creative energy on ideas when I can copy someone else?  Here's where the problem begins:

My house is small. I have low ceilings. And to top it off I only have ONE bathroom. ONE toilet people. Any idea involving a toilet or bathroom sink is immediately out. Then there's the kitchen ideas with "snow angels" made out of flour on the counter. Hell no. There's no way I can leave a mess like that all day on my itty bitty counter space. I wouldn't be able to cook dinner. Or even look at the kitchen. I would have to up my meds for the day. And I'm close to maxed out already. 

I didn't realize my Elf was so "excited" to be back until after he was on Facebook

To add something fun this year we now have a cat. So we have even MORE limited places we can shove him without little Fluffy noticing there's something new to attack. The days of Sundrop hanging from the fan pretending to be Miley on her wrecking ball are long gone. 

The kids were NOT impressed with this.  Pinterest failed me.

This thing rules our lives for 24 days. But not everyone has the same elf rules at their house. This is where it's important to know your friends well. After visiting a friend that grabbed her elf in front of my kids and moved him because he was in the way I was positive it was the moment I was going to have to break the bad news to the kids. Sorry. Mrs. Jessica just destroyed your childhood imagination. No such thing as magic. And you have to start paying rent now too since the cat's outta the bag!  Lucky for them I was on my A game that night and saved the day with a story about Santa having different agreements with different families and blah blah blah.

The kids still talk about this one. 

To sum it up this thing is a headache. Compare it to a puppy. Fun at first then a pain. And I've heard all the "let them be little" and "they only believe for so long" speeches too. I mean, maybe I'll miss it one day. But by then I'll have grandkids and if I want to participate I'll spend the night at my kids house. Only to quickly remember how stupid the elf is.

This day I couldn't do laundry.  I NEEDED to do laundry.

21 Day Plan: Day 4 and 5-Prepping

On day 3 I did 2 workouts. Day 4 I did 1. Maybe that two-a-day from Day 3 was because somehow I knew I wouldn't be working out on my Day 5. But I still wasn't prepared.

I did so well having my menu planned and my goals in line. Weight has been coming off. I had healthy snacks. I took my very own popcorn to my nephews basketball game Thursday night and had a healthy dinner waiting on me in the crock pot at home. This picture was taken about 10 minutes before my dad called and let my sister and I know we needed to come to the hospital. My grandpa was very sick. 

We got there at 6pm and I didn't leave until 2am. He was in a medically induced coma and having a hard time breathing. They were putting him in ICU. He's 83. Just 10 

hours earlier he was eating a biscuit at Hardee's with my dad and talking with friends. 

I wasn't prepared. I mean that is so many ways. I wasn't prepared to be somewhere without the food I had on my plan and I wasn't prepared for the possibility of letting my grandpa go.

After coming home and sleeping for less than 3 hours I was back there with him as he was on life support and not showing any signs of improvement. The doctors didn't give any good reports as his blood pressure continued to drop even with 4 medicines to the max. He was dying. And part of me was too. 

I only left his side Friday to use the restroom. We were there with him. We weren't going to let him go without being surrounded by his family.  Is the decision to take someone off life support ever easy? Absolutely not. But knowing that he would never breath on his own again. Never live without a breathing tube or leave a hospital bed. That's not the life he would ever want to live. As his only child my dad had to make that decision. I'm certain he made the right one. 

As I watched my grandpa, my last living grandparent, take his final breath and his heart stopped beating I held his hand and cried. I cried more for myself than for him. I wanted to be selfish and keep him here with me. I wasn't prepared. 

Sometime a kink gets thrown in the plans. Some days we aren't prepared no matter how hard we tried. There's no such thing as a convenient time to die. 

Today begins my Day 6 and I'm already at the gym. Riding the bike and writing this post. Southern folks bring immense amounts of delicious and unhealthy food to you when someone dies. I'll eat it. This is life. It's real life. Not scripted like a tv show.  We'll spend most of the day at the funeral home, the florist, the grave yard. Preparing everything for his funeral. A ceremony for everyone he left behind. It's not for him. He's already in heaven with all those that have passed before him being welcomed to his eternal home. 

But I still wasn't prepared. 

21 Day Plan: Day 3 Two-A-Day

Day 3

Workout:

Upper body 

Bunch of stuff I don't know what's called! 

One was called a skull crusher. I just follow around my girl Jess and she tells me what to do and fusses at me for cheating with light weight. 

I rode the bike too for about 4 miles. AND I ran on the treadmill for the second time after my half marathon and managed to not hurt myself this time.  I got 1 mile in at 9:32 so that was kind of a big deal for me.  Because I've been hurting.  And I'm slow. 

How can day to day differ so much?  I know the rules. I know I'm supposed to be prepared and know what/when/where I'm eating. But I wasn't. And other than coffee I had nothing to eat until 11:15. Breaking all the rules. But you know what?  I'm a real person with real challenges. I have shit to do! Like the not-so-fun stuff. Like getting the oil changed in my car...for TWO hours.  With nothing but another tiny apple in my purse. They had donuts inside. Fresh ones. With sprinkles. And chocolate.  But I held strong and walked past them and just smelled them.  It wasn't easy but it refused to give in!!

 

 

I was thankful when I got home for leftovers in the fridge and a banana with a little less peanut butter this time. Still too much. But less. 

I boiled eggs to have as snacks. I mangled so many freaking eggs trying to peel them. So I just ate what looked ugly!  If I judged my day based on my eggs it would be really crappy. 

I had an amazing PB&J shake. Here's the recipe. You won't regret it. 

Then guess what I did?  I had another cup of coffee. Why? Because I went to the gym. Again. Now hold on!  This isn't typical. I did my regular workout in the morning as usual and then the husband wanted to go after work. So I mostly just looked at his sweaty muscles the whole time. I didn't exert too much energy.  But I like hanging out with him so I said yes to a two-a-day. 

Dinner was on point for day 3. Salad with craisins, almonds, tomato, avocado and feta along with meatloaf and fresh green beans. It was delish.
 

 

I didn't eat anything after that because it was close to 9:00.  And I did go to bed hungry. I could have totally gone for a milkshake from Cookout. Or a frosty from Wendy's. But instead I drank some water and watched Forensic Files. 

Day 3 is marked off the list. Weighing in at:

 

21 Day Plan: Day 2...I'm HUNGRY

Day 2 is OVER. It wasn't too hard. I was better prepared after going to the grocery store. If you have an Aldi near by it's the place to go. You'll save a ton of money.  Especially on produce. 

Same breakfast with the waffle and pb. Instead of preworkout I had coffee and added a splash of unsweetened vanilla almond milk and this super yummy syrup I found at Bed Bath & Beyond. It MAY not be great for me. I read the ingredients.  But it's better than the gas station coffee I was getting 4 times a week. And cheaper. 

Day 2 workout

Step ups w 15lbs 3 sets of 15 on each side

Squats with 15lbs x2 and 20lbs last set 15 reps each

Sumo squats w 30lbs 15 reps

Incline leg lift

Lateral leg lift with 7.5lbs last set 12.5

Bent leg lifts 12.5 last set 17.5

Thrust with 60lbs

Stiff leg dead lifts with 20lbs

10miles on bike start at level 4 and up a level every 2 miles. 

Lunch was leftovers from Monday. Spaghetti squash and sauce. I was still hungry like an hour later so I made another banana shake. Then I was still hungry so I ate an apple. It was a little apple. I promise. 

And then I was hungry again.  So I had another banana. With too much peanut butter. There's my weakness. The freakin peanut butter. 

Now here's where the real struggle came. I went to a basketball game and I usually have a sundrop and popcorn. It smells soooo good! Instead I threw an apple in my purse. Because I KNEW I would want SOMETHING. So while I watched my kids inhale Hershey's bars I drooled a little and then ate my apple.  (Yes this is the 4th fruit I had today. I SAID the apples were small.) It was okay. I tried to pretend it had chocolate on it. It didn't work. 

Dinner was one of my all time faves. Enchilada soup that I found a recipe for on Pinterest a couple years ago. That with some wheat crackers and sprinkled with cheese was perfect. 

Thennnnn I fixed my husbands lunch and had some of my trail mix since I I had it out to put in his lunchbox. Just a few tablespoons. I made sure to get a good amount of m&ms in there though. I'm not gonna lie about it.   

The day ended well.  As far as the scale goes this morning I'm down 3 lbs in 2 days. Not too shabby. 

The only thing that kept me from grabbing something quick and unhealthy today was knowing that I was being totally transparent and putting it on my blog. Maybe 5 people will read it. Maybe not. But it helps me hold myself accountable. 

On to Day 3. 

21 Day Plan: Day 1

One day down out of 21. I can do this because I've done it PLENTY of times. 

Started off with my wheat waffle and peanut butter. Went to the gym and did the following routine:

Day 1:

Workout- 

shoulder press on smith machine - bar-15, 5's-15, 10's-8

Bicep Curls w 30lb bar 3 sets of 15

Single arm bicep curl w cable at 12.5lbs 3 sets of 15 each side 

Hammer curls 15lbs 3 sets 15

Upright rows w 15lbs 3 sets 15 (last set with 10, losing form)

Side bends on incline w 10lbs 3 sets 15 each side 

Incline abs w no weight 3 sets 15

Cardio-

8 miles on bike starting at level 3 and up a level every 2 miles.

Made a peanut butter banana chocolate shake and was doing just fine. But I didn't have time to go to the store. So there was crap at the house.  I grabbed about a heaping tablespoon of my homemade trail mix (cheerios, peanuts, sunflower seeds, m&ms and raisins)...okay I had 2 heaping spoons. We're being honest here right?

I was super hungry for an afternoon snack and had some chicken I made...last week. We're being honest! Remember. I ate it. It was older than I prefer but it was that or something not on the plan so I risked it. 

Dinner was a cinch and I didn't eat my nightly vanilla wafers and peanut butter. Mostly because we were out of the cookies. I ate them all over the weekend. No glass of wine like usual either.  I didn't eat enough today. I DID drink a gallon of water so I wasn't overly starving at any point other than actual meal times. 

Day 1. Done. And when I weighed in this morning I was already 2lbs down.

Why I Need Santa to Suck

Christmas morning 1991. No snow. It's North Carolina. No smell of a tree. Ours is fake. There IS the smell of coffee and a fresh lit cigarette though!  Santa's already been here and I'm about to see what an awesome kid I have been all year!

I remember walking into the living room and there it all sat.  So many brand new Crayola boxes of markers and crayons and paint. Name brand!!! Not the super waxy crayons! Cabbage patch dolls with their very own birth certificate and Barbies that actually had elbows unlike the stiff armed ones from the discount store!  Santa. Was. Awesome. 

That's not a wig. I had woman hair by the time I was 5!

I knew good and well my parents wouldn't spend money on that name brand stuff!  Only Santa could afford that!  Not that they didn't have it. I don't know. They didn't let me in on finances at age 7. But we had Ross blood running through our veins which meant if we didn't need it or it was expensive it wasn't going to be ours. But not Santa! Nope! He wasn't a Ross and he didn't care about price! He brought us the good stuff!

Now it's 2016. 25 years later. Im the adult now. And Santa isn't gonna steal my glory ANYMORE!!  Those gifts aren't from him! I need a thank you and you need to tell me how much more you love me since I bought you nice things.  And tell me I'm pretty while you're at it!
 



But for 2015 we tried something new. We decided to do less Santa. He brought the trampoline and some toys. But instead of him bringing ALL the fun stuff I wrapped good stuff from us!  Not just clothes and socks.  I was a nervous wreck for weeks. So worried the kids would be disappointed Christmas morning when they walked in the living room and there was a lot less. Not crayola and cabbage patch galore like all the years before. But guess what?  It never even phased them. Not for a second!  And guess who got the credit for the awesome new blue ray players (thanks Black Friday deals) or the fun games they got? That's right. Not the fat guy!  It was me and the husband. And we smiled like monkeys and enjoyed the fact we had just bought their love.


Do they look sad?

Santa is the same in the eyes of every child. He's a magical person that brings happiness and gifts to Christmas. If my kids got markers and paper for Christmas and one of their friends got an Xbox, new bike, iPod and Beats that doesn't make much sense to kids. To adults it does. It's as simple as the fact they spent more money on their kids than we spent on ours. But as kids it looks like Santa possibly liked them better. Or makes them wonder if they did something to not deserve those kinds of things. Let Santa have a little glory but not all of it. 

No one will ever be financially equal with everyone else. I'm very okay with that.  Before you say "Everyone can't get a trophy" I agree.  I am in no way saying that all kids should get the same things or same amount.  But think of when you were a kid for a minute.  When finances and house size and bills meant nothing.  And Santa meant everything... 

So let those pricey gifts come from you. The hard working parent that put a lot of effort forth to provide for the family. Let Santa be more simple.

And finally, a big thanks to my Mama and Daddy.  You always made my Christmas everything I could ever want.

Charlotte Half Marathon

I did it. I ran 13.1 miles and didn't die. And here's how it went:

My running buddy and I got in line for the bathroom to try to squeeze out anything that may be in our bladder since we wouldn't want to stop the next 2 1/2 hours. The line was looooonnnngggg.  Only for the ladies room though. Of course.

We pee, come out and those hundreds of people that were mingling in the park just a minute before had vanished! Like the rapture had occurred and we were left behind!  Then we walk fast.  In no particular direction. Because we have no clue where we're going. So we followed people that looked like THEY knew where to go. Eh.  We were in the right vicinity at least. But we had to RUN to get to the starting line so we could RUN our race.  So. Annoying. 

We start. We're off to a good pace. Going with the crowd. 

Mile 1- In the bag. Easy peasy. 

Mile 2 & 3- Feeling good. Smooth sailing so far.  

Mile 4- Getting a little anxious but alive. 

Mile 5- I'm getting slightly bored.  

Mile 6- I'm focusing on people's shirts and what they say or the signs the spectators are holding. Burping up strawberry flavor from the energy chews I ate back between mile four and five. 

Mile 7, 8, 9- Were stupid. I didn't like them. I wanted to quit. I was ready for someone to come with a car and take me home. I wanted to flip everyone off. Then came mile ten. 

Mile 10- I was well over halfway done and on my second pack of strawberry gummies. I found myself focusing on someone, anyone's butt. Jiggly butts. Little butts. Big ones. I ran an entire mile with my mind on butts. At some point I was running and zoned out and forgot I was running. I guess that's the runners high I hear about. But it didn't last long. Maybe because I was being distracted by the butts. 

Mile 11- At mile eleven I started seeing people really struggling. And I was happy that I was still going. The end was less than a 5k away. And I knew I could do it. 

Mile 12 & 13- My running app told me I was at 13.1 wayyy before the finish line. Someone's wrong. I choose to believe it's not my app. But if I wanted my fancy medal I had to cross their finish line. 

Then I saw it. I saw the finish. And I wanted to try to run faster to get there but my body was like nah girl. You ain't going any faster. So I kept my pace and kept on digging. And I made it. 

 

And then every feeling and emotion imaginable hit me. I was excited to finish. My legs were shaking and all of a sudden I didn't know if I would be able to stay standing. Then I hugged my running buddy and cried! Because until the moment I crossed the finish line I didn't know if I could make it 13.1 miles. I hadn't run that far in my training.  I totally chanced it at the end of training and never got past 11 miles. Then I felt sick. My stomach hurt and I didn't know if I wanted to run to the bathroom or puke. It was like having a hangover. I drank a Gatorade, nibbled on a banana and sipped on water. It took a good 10 minutes to get myself under control. So many emotions!

 

I drove there by myself. And drove home by myself. And I cried on the way home. I was proud of myself. I felt accomplished. It's safe to say this may be the most rewarding thing I've ever done next to giving birth to my kids. I didn't know until it was all over how much it all meant to me. I did something I had never done before and put in the hard work to achieve it. I haven't decided if I'll do it again. My brain says yes. My hips and knees say no.